


Smoke and Mirrors

by thestorytellerofkpop



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Nudity, Originally Posted on Tumblr, POV Female Character, POV Second Person, Past Abuse, Reader-Insert, Smoking, monogamy vs open realtionships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-27 23:42:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20054476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestorytellerofkpop/pseuds/thestorytellerofkpop
Summary: It’s been a long day and you can’t sleep, luckily you know Junmyeon’s bed is always open for you. Despite all your mistakes, you know Junmyeon will always be there for you.Excerpt:You both stood there in silence, watching the pure lights become blurred with your shared smoke. Junmyeon’s eyes glanced over your figure, a smirk pulling at the corners of his lips. He flicked some ash over the edge of the balcony before moving to stand behind you. He allowed himself to drape his arms around your neck, his head leaning into your own. Your hair smelt clean and sweet, like warm milk and honey on a cold night. He pressed his lips into the crown of your head.“Y/N-”“Don’t. Not now. Can’t we just…enjoy this moment?” you leaned back to meet Junmyeon’s gaze. He could see the thousands of lights shining in your eyes, and he didn’t think you could become more beautiful in that moment. He took a drag of his smoke, blowing it out into the nighttime air.“Alright."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Pairings: Kim Junmyeon x Female Reader
> 
> Genre: Realistic Fiction, angst that heals
> 
> Warnings: Angst, friends with benefits, smoking, nudity, monogamy vs. open relationships

“Hey.”

“Y-Y/N?” Junmyeon muffled through a yawn. He hadn’t even opened his eyes yet, opting for blindly grabbing his ringing phone in the dark rather than turn on the bright lights.

“Can I come in?”

“C-Come in?” Junmyeon asked, pulling the phone away from his cheek. “Y/N its two in the morning, where are you?”

“Outside your apartment, so, can I come in?”

Junmyeon sighed, removing himself from the warmth of his bed to trudge to his front door. The bright light of the hallway made his vision hazy, but he could still pick your figure out against the temporary blindness.

“Nice bedhead.” Y/N chuckled, watching Junmyeon hang up the call.

“Y/N, not to be rude, but why?” Junmyeon yawned, running his hand over his face to try and wake up.

“Couldn’t sleep,” you answered easily, pushing past Junmyeon to enter his apartment.

Once you stepped through the foyer, Junmyeon could see your shoulders visibly relax. You took a deep breath in and Junmyeon was glad he decided to clean that afternoon; the smell of mint and lavender was dull to his senses, but he knew it’d be strong to your nose.

“Come outside with me.” you told him.

Junmyeon followed you out onto his tiny balcony. Sure, his apartment may be shit, but you couldn’t pass down the view. He knew he had the best view of the city; the lights shining all around you made it seem you both were in another world.

“You won’t get cold out here hotshot?” you teased, allowing your eyes to roam over Junmyeon’s bare chest. He just shrugged, leaning against the railing.

“I’ll live.” he winked.

“Smoke?” Junmyeon looked down at your offering, a cigarette already in between your fingers.

“You always choose the shittiest brands.” Junmyeon chuckled, leaning down to the tiny table in the corner to grab his own pack. He placed one between his lips, lighting it up before lighting your cigarette as well.

“I can’t believe you still have that lighter.” 

“It was a gift,” Junmyeon glanced over at you through the cloud of smoke that he pushed past his lips, watching how your lips pursed and relaxed around the rolled tobacco. 

You both stood there in silence, watching the pure lights become blurred with your shared smoke. Junmyeon’s eyes glanced over your figure, a smirk pulling at the corners of his lips. He flicked some ash over the edge of the balcony before moving to stand behind you. He allowed himself to drape his arms around your neck, his head leaning into your own. Your hair smelt clean and sweet, like warm milk and honey on a cold night. He pressed his lips into the crown of your head.

“Y/N-”

“Don’t. Not now. Can’t we just…enjoy this moment?” you leaned back to meet Junmyeon’s gaze. He could see the thousands of lights shining in your eyes, and he didn’t think you could become more beautiful in that moment. He took a drag of his smoke, blowing it out into the nighttime air.

“Alright.”

He allowed the two of you to fall back into the comfort of the darkness, finishing your cigarettes in peace. Junmyeon continued to hold you, gently swaying you both to the rhythm of the night. He placed warm kisses along your neck and relished in your hum of content.

“Wanna come lay down with me? I gotta be up for work in a few hours.” Junmyeon mumbled into the skin of your shoulder, the drags of his cigarette falling down to the streets below. You blew out a puff of smoke, dragging your cig across the balcony railing to put it out.

“As long as you keep holding me, I don’t care what we do.” you admitted in a soft voice. Junmyeon dropped the butt of his smoke to the ground, stomping the burning embers out of it.

“Come on then,” he took your hand and led you back into his bedroom. “Do you need something to sleep in?”

“Well…I was hoping-”

“Yes.” 

“You didn’t even let me finish.” you smiled.

“Y/N I’ve known you for far too long. I know what you like when you’re upset.” Junmyeon chuckled, stripping himself of the rest of his sleepwear.

“Who said I was upset?” you pouted, removing your clothes until you were just as naked as the man next to you. Junmyeon pulled back the covers and allowed you to slip into bed first.

“You only ever come to me when you’re upset.” Junmyeon mumbled, sliding in next to you. He pulled the covers over himself before taking you into his arms. You threw a leg around his waist and buried your head in his chest; his arms wrapped around you tightly, one hand tracing patterns on the skin of your back and the other weaving in through your hair.

“That’s not true.”

“If saying so helps you sleep at night.” Junmyeon kissed your forehead. “Now, are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

Junmyeon felt you sigh and press even closer into him, your fingers tracing the supple skin of his pecs. You pulled back to look into Junmyeon’s eyes.

“Forgive me, for I have sinned.” you told him, a slight lilt in your voice.

“Your sins may be forgiven, if you confess your secrets to me.” Junmyeon said methodically, his fingers tracing swirls and figure-eights into your back.

“I let myself get played again.” you admitted. Junmyeon sighed, removing his hand from your hair to opt for running his fingers over your cheek.

“Do I need to hurt anyone in the morning?” Junmyeon asked, frowning when you shook your head.

“No, he just pulled a dick move. He failed to mention his other partners to me.”

“I thought those kinds of things didn’t bother you?”

“It doesn’t when you tell me upfront. He hid them from me, which is still lying and deceit.” you explained, running your foot up and down Junmyeon’s calf. He sighed again, allowing his hands to travel to your lower back.

“Then he doesn’t deserve you, Y/N.” Junmyeon said. 

You gave him a tight smile, leaning up to place a kiss on the corner of his lips. He tasted like smoke and dark chocolate; sharp and bitter. Junmyeon hummed in content when you tucked your head into the crook of his neck, leaving butterfly kisses into his skin. You didn’t protest when his hand slid lower, fondling and worshiping the soft flesh of your ass and thigh as he pleased. You closed your eyes and savored the sensation of touch, of being close to another human. And if you were to open your eyes, you would’ve found that Junmyeon was savoring the skin-on-skin contact just as much as you were, his eyes shining just from looking at you.

You pulled your head back and giggled at Junmyeon’s whine of protest. You traced your fingers over the curves and dips of his lips, blushing when each finger received a soft kiss. You smiled in content when Junmyeon kissed down your cheeks, your neck, traveling lower and lower until his face was hidden in the valley of your breasts. You yelped when he bit the supple skin, his low chuckle making you laugh with him. You ran your fingers through his hair, living for the attention and affection.

“Junmyeon?”

“Hmm?”

“Come back up here, I need to tell you something.”

“Your breasts are too soft to leave.” his muffled voice made you chuckle. You pulled him up and away from your chest, his hazy look making you laugh even more. You placed a kiss on his forehead, frowning.

“You’re such a good guy Junmyeon, the best I’ve ever met.” you admitted. It was his turn to frown, an ironic chuckle falling past his lips. He rubbed his thumb across your cheek, the stars leaving his eyes.

“Oh, how you torture me so.” he whispered.

“I’m sorry.” you mumbled.

“Don’t apologize, it’s my fault.”

“No, it’s mine.” you argued while Junmyeon rubbed your worry lines.

“No,” he persisted, “I’m the one who’s the firm believer in monogamy, it’s all me.”

“I disagree, you’re not the only one at fault here. If I didn’t want to be tied down to one person we wouldn’t have this problem.” you countered, making Junmyeon purse his lips. He sighed, his eyes raking over your face, searching for something. 

“I’m sorry too,” he whispered. “I just wish we could figure out a solution that makes us both happy.”

“I thought this made you happy? Being friends like this?” you questioned.

“It does, don’t get me wrong. I love holding you and worshiping you like how you deserve to be,” Junmyeon kissed your hand, his eyes lighting up at your blush.

“But I can’t deny that I sometimes want more than just these lonely nights. Sometimes I wish I could call you mine, that I can hold you and never let you go, that I can come home and see you waiting here for me.” he sighed, his thumb and forefinger angling your chin up to him. “That I can kiss you knowing that you’re mine and mine alone, not having to wonder if my love for you is the same as your love for me.”

You closed the gap between your lips, pulling Junmyeon in close. He kissed you with the feeling of a madman; as if he stopped for even just a second, you would be gone. 

Junmyeon, surprisingly, was the one who pulled away first. His lips were swollen red and you knew that yours had to be equally or even redder than his. 

“You have no right to say things like that Junmyeon,” you whispered, “Because you know just as damn well as I do that I love you with all my heart.”

“I know,” he mumbled, his shaking lips pressing into your forehead. “It just hurts Y/N, it hurts so, so much.”

You sighed, hiding yourself back into his embrace. Your bare skin against his felt much too warm now, but you stayed still, not wanting to let him go. Not wanting to hurt him even more than you already were. 

“I love you Junmyeon.”

“Then stay with me, please.” he pleaded into your hair.

“You know that’s not fair to ask me of that.” your voice choked up and Junmyeon sighed.

“Then just stay tonight, please. And we can talk more about it in the morning, just,” he paused, looking down at you with pleas in his eyes. “Just don’t run away like you usually do. It hurts more than you think.” he admitted and you can see his eyes start to water. You nodded your head, promising him that you wouldn’t leave. But you and him both knew you would try to in the morning anyways, like you always did.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains mentions of past physical abuse, please tread carefully if this is a triggering topic for you.

“Y/N?”

“Hey,” you smiled from your side of the phone. Junmyeon was able to tell something was wrong with you; your voice was too high strung, too clipped, too different from the usual flirtatious lilt you usually spoke with.

“Honey, why are you calling me so late?” he asked softly. You frowned. Junmyeon never questioned you when you called before.

“I know its been a while,” you allowed yourself to let a chuckle fall past your lips.

“It would be four months on Thursday since we last talked. Four months from the day you left.” Junmyeon’s voice was calm through the phone but you knew him better than that. You knew he was still hurt, still angry that you left him alone that morning you promised you would stay with him. To stay and talk through both of your problems and dysfunctionalities. But you left. You left and Junmyeon was too tired to chase after you one more time. He had let you go. And he didn’t stop you this time.

“I know,” you sighed, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s kind of hard to talk right now,” Junmyeon admitted and you could hear the hesitation in his voice.

“Why? Did I interrupt something?” you asked.

“Um, no, nothing important really,” but you could tell Junmyeon was distracted, his focus clearly not on you. Whether it was the self-doubt within your mind or the tone of Junmyeon’s voice, the tears that pricked at your eyes finally came tumbling down.

“Junmyeon,” you started, but a broken sob interrupted your speech. And once one fell past your lips, you knew you couldn’t stop yourself from holding back any more.

“Honey, why are you crying? Is everything okay?” Junmyeon asked. You could hear shuffling on the other line and suddenly his voice was whispering in your ear, “I’m sorry if you can’t hear me. I gotta whisper ‘cause I can’t really be loud.”

“Why can’t you be too loud?”

“Well, um, my girlfriend is in the next room.” Junmyeon said.

Oh.

_Oh_.

“Oh.” you voiced your thoughts, your tears stopping in their tracks to allow the shock to set in.

“Yeah,” Junmyeon finished lamely, his fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. Silence shadowed over the both of you, until you finally mustered up the courage to ask:

“Does she know you’re talking to me?” Junmyeon chuckled at your question, and you heard a sliding door open and close in the background. You knew he stepped out onto the balcony when you heard the flick of a lighter. Was it still your lighter? The one you had given him all those years ago?

“No, I don’t think she has a clue.” he responded.

“Will it start a fight if she knew?” you asked. For a moment all you could hear was a long, drawn exhale. The sudden urge to smoke overcame you. After all, you only ever wanted to smoke when you were with Junmyeon. Only with him could you fuel that urge, that addiction, but then again, sometimes you didn’t know if it was him or the nicotine you craved more.

“Probably,” he chuckled.

“I should hang up then, I don’t want-”

“No,” Junmyeon interrupted you. “I want to talk. It’s really good to hear your voice again.”

“Junmyeon-”

“Especially when you say my name. It sounds so sweet coming from you.” the utter adoration in his voice made your heart clench, and a new wave of tears shook through your body.

“Junmyeon,” you cried into the phone and he suddenly remembered that you were upset, that everything was not okay, and a sudden urgency took over his lax demeanor.

“Y/N, why are you calling me so late?” he asked again, a newfound firmness etched in his voice.

“Junmyeon,” you paused to gulp down your nerves and tears, “Junmyeon I need you. It’s happened again.”

~*~

Junmyeon stood outside your apartment door, looking blankly at the boring, beige wood in front of him. It took a lot for him to be here. A lot of coaxing to get his girlfriend to leave, reassuring her he wasn’t going out so suddenly just to cheat. That he was faithful. That he was just helping a friend and didn’t want her to wait alone at his apartment this late at night. That she should be in bed getting a good night’s rest.

But Junmyeon knew he’d be breaking those promises tonight. That now all that was standing between him and the love of his life was this door. That the love of his life was hurting behind that door, and that all he needs to do is knock.

Knock, knock.

_Bang, bang._

The sudden noise at the door made you jump. You shook your head, taking a deep breath before moving to open it.

“Junmyeon.” you sighed in relief, moving back to allow him to enter your home.

_You shrunk into yourself when you opened the door, the large figure storming into your sanctuary without a care in the world._

“Hey,” Junmyeon responded carefully, stepping into the foyer and toeing off his shoes. Junmyeon noticed how everything in the living room was placed carefully, how everything seemed too perfect in the normally haphazard and messy living space. He noticed how your cheeks were pristine, but your eyes were bloodshot with tears. When you cried your cheeks were always blotchy with red blush; he knew this all too well, having kissed those red blotches free of tears before.

“Hi,” you tried to smile, but the corners of your lips fell once seeing Junmyeon’s intense gaze.

_His gaze pierced your soul, his anger radiating off him in waves. You tried to keep your distance from him, running from him, escaping from him by entering your room and locking the door. You should’ve known locks wouldn’t have stopped him from getting to you._

“Y/N, are you wearing makeup?” Junmyeon asked, moving himself to stand in front of you.

“N-No.”

_“N-No, p-please.” you cried as his rage fell upon you. How every item in your room fell in your direction. Every book, every shoe, every piece of glass from your mirror. You cowered under his gaze when he approached you. He towered over you who was sitting on the ground, curled in on yourself. He forced you to look up at him._

“Are you sure, because usually you have red patches of blush on your cheeks when you cry. Usually they’re right about…-” Junmyeon moved, his hand coming up to touch your cheek where your blush would normally appear. But your gasp stopped him, his hand hovering in mid-air as you flinched away from him, hiding your face from his view as your arms shielded you.

_“Tell me you love me.” he said._

_“No.” you shook your head, taking the pain he inflicted on you._

_“I love you.” he said._

_“No, you don’t.” you cried, trying to shield yourself from his fists. Your body shook with sobs as he attacked you, your face buried in the carpet._

_“Tell me you don’t love him.”_

_“No.” you sobbed._

_“Tell me you don’t love Junmyeon!” he yelled._

_“I-I can’t. I told you, I’m done with you. I don’t want to be with you. I don’t love you. I don’t belong to you. I’ve had enough of you!” you said with your tears blurring your vision as you took his last hit in stride. You could hear him yell in anger before he left you alone, hearing your front door opening and slamming shut. You cried alone in your room, every ounce of dignity and pride ripped from your body with every sob. It was then you realized who you needed, and with shaky legs, you moved towards your phone. _

“…here.” Junmyeon whispered, dropping his hand that hung in the air. You dropped your defenses when you knew Junmyeon wasn’t going to hit you, looking at him with pain and sorrow in your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized. “I didn’t think it would happen again…but it did Junmyeon.”

You chanced a look at him, and your heart broke at the sight. His face was stoic, but his eyes were shining with tears. The sight almost made you start crying again.

“Y/N…may I take your hand? May I take you to the bathroom?” Junmyeon asked carefully. You nodded, extending your hand out to him. Junmyeon carefully led you through the hall and into the bathroom, gesturing for you to sit down on the toilet. He rummaged through your cabinets until he found your make-up remover, looking at you with a gentleness that you haven’t seen in four months.

“May I take off your make-up?” he asked. You nodded, allowing his gentle fingers to glide over your cheeks, your nose, until your face was clear of concealer.

“Oh, Y/N.” Junmyeon whispered, the tips of his fingers ghosting over the shadows of your bruises.

“Where else?” he whispered. You lifted your shirt to show him your stomach, the bruises wrapping around your torso like a corset. Junmyeon dropped to his knees in front of you, his eyes staring at your skin in disbelief.

“Y/N…” his voice trailed off, shaking his head. The tears that welled in your eyes fell, falling and staining your pants in rhythmic drips.

“I-I’m done with him,” you reassured Junmyeon. “I alerted the doorman downstairs, they’re going to arrest him if he tries to come back here.”

“Y/N,” Junmyeon tried again, his hands reaching out to touch you, but he hesitated. He looked up at you, his own tears slipping down his cheeks.

“It’s okay,” you said through the tears, “I know you won’t hurt me. Go ahead, Junmyeon.”

Once he heard his name, Junmyeon knew things were going to be okay. He knew your approval to touch was the ultimate sign of trust from you. You knew he wouldn’t hurt you like everyone else did, and that in itself was all Junmyeon wanted to believe in.

He placed his hands on your knees, carefully leaning in to kiss each and every one of the bruises on your stomach. His lips passed over every blotch, every handprint, every blemish, to will away the pain and show you that you were loved. He moved to your cheeks, his hands resting on the back of your neck as his lips pressed softly into your skin. He kissed your tears away as your thumbs wiped his own cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s okay-”

“No, it’s not okay. Someone was abusing you Y/N. For months. That’s not okay.” he sighed into your skin. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I don’t know,” you answered honestly. “I think I was afraid of what you’d do, what you’d say if you knew. I didn’t want him to hurt you in the way he hurt me.” Junmyeon sighed again, pulling away from you to look into your eyes.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. That’s never going to happen again.”

“Junmyeon-”

“I mean it Y/N. No one deserves to be hurt like this. Not you, not anyone.” he said, determination laced in his gaze.

“But what about your girlfriend?” you whispered. Junmyeon sighed again. He bit his lip as he thought, watching the skin turn white then red again when he released it.

“If I’m going to be honest, there were nights where sometimes I wished my girlfriend was you. I guess I never really moved on.” Junmyeon admitted.

“But what about our problems? My openness, your monogamy, and-” Junmyeon shook his head, shushing your words. He grabbed your hands, standing and pulling you up with him. He led you into your room, all the signs of destruction from earlier were erased from sight, except for the broken mirror in the corner.

“We’re going to figure it out. I promise. But there’s been too many tears tonight. We will talk about us in the morning.” Junmyeon told you. You nodded, whispering a soft okay.

Junmyeon suddenly began to strip off his jacket, throwing his keys and pack of cigarettes from his pocket onto your nightstand. He chuckled softly.

“I’m surprised this is still here.” he picked up the old ashtray and showed it to you, making a small smile spread across your lips.

“Well, it was a gift.” you mimicked his words from long ago and Junmyeon smiled back at you. He placed the ashtray back on the nightstand and moved over to you, taking your hands into his hold.

“You wanna lay with me?” he asked. You nodded, moving away from Junmyeon to dim the lights, allowing a soft glow to fall over the room. As you began to strip yourself of your clothes, you heard soft music fill your ears. You turned and smiled at Junmyeon as he put his phone onto the nightstand, watching as he approached you with a spark in his eyes.

“Y’know you’re doing my job for me.” he whispered playfully, helping you out of the rest of your clothes until you stood bare in front of him. You tried to shy away from his gaze but Junmyeon was having none of it, gently coaxing you to escape the insecurities that the marks on your body held.

“Focus on me, Y/N. Don’t even think about it. Just look at me.” he said, guiding your hands to pull up his shirt. You fell into the rhythm of Junmyeon’ s movements, allowing him to guide your hands until he was naked in front of you. He led you towards the bed, pulling back the covers to allow you to crawl into bed first. He settled in next to you, covering you both with the blankets as you moved into him. You curled against Junmyeon’s chest, allowing his arm to wrap around your waist to pull you closer, relaxing in his hold when he placed a kiss on your forehead.

“I never wanted to say goodbye to you, Y/N.” Junmyeon said through a yawn, his fingers gently splaying across the skin of your hips. “Please don’t make me do it again, not after this.”

“No more running.” you mumbled into his skin, leaving a gentle kiss on his chest. “I promise."


End file.
